mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
Frankenstein enters into a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective
FOR THE LAST TIME, FRANKENSTEIN WAS THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR
…a doctor who built a body.
It’s a metaphor, see: you hold a pen with your homework in front of you, but you don’t do it, you don’t give it the power to do its killing
So my dad is a preacher and he was telling us that Halloween is ‘the day of the devil’ and my sister goes “wow a whole day all for me?” And my dad is clinging to his bible now omg
This is my favourite post of all time.
When you have a great grandmother as old as mine,
people are surprised.
Surprised that human life can sustain itself for that amount of time
when there’s earthquakes, floods
and the plague is brewing somewhere in the south western united states.
She’s a bit of a fun-fact I keep tucked away in my pocket,
the secret ingredient to add spice to my All-American
Ana Agostinha Da Silva
Is 106 years old.
Born in Portugal in 1907
before there was any of this new fangled stuff like
sliced bread, flip-flops,
She has lived a life that even I,
the only writer in the family
pre-destined to write all birthday cards,
grade papers with encouraging notes for godmother’s third graders
and deliver eulogies before the subject have even died
cannot attempt to describe.
I don’t have the right language.
That isn’t some poetic attempt at expressing the lack of words
to transverse the span of her life.
I mean Avo Ana has lived in the US for nearly 40 years,
and speaks no English.
Her vocabulary is limited, littered with colorful phrases like
no money, no funny
and she knows how to say
"I love you."
I am told that when she speaks in Portuguese,
Avo Anna’s thread-bare voice becomes a tapestry
of old family stories and jokes that flirt on the edge of dirty.
I wish I could understand when her wrinkles deepen with laughter,
and her blind eyes shimmer with far-off memory.
But sometimes she talks about how tired she is.
When I was born, she had been talking about dying
for a decade already.
She got to see her 12th great granddaughter
live to the age where her oldest granddaughter with the same name
But when you’ve lived to be 106,
you’ve seen a lot of people die.
If I could speak Portuguese,
I imagine that Avo Anna and I would talk a lot about being tired.
Yet, there are moments when she still sparkles,
a family heirloom taken off the shelf and given a good dusting.
At her 103rd birthday,
she whispered to no one in particular
"Every day is a blessing."
This from a woman who has lived for nearly one million hours.
Still smiling at sunrises she cannot see.
I remember that I am still young
and have a lot to learn.
I only know one phrase of Portuguese:
Eu amo te, Avo.
How old were you when you had your first kiss?
If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?
What colour do you think looks best on you?
What's the best thing you can cook?
If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?
If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?
Favourite holiday dish?
Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?
What's your favourite kind of soup?
What's the most thoughtful present you've ever received?
Are you currently in love with someone?
Would you ever become a vegan?
What's your favourite hot beverage?
For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?
Do you like going on airplanes?
Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?
Who was your best friend when you were six years old?
What colour was your childhood home?
What's your regular Starbucks order?
Do you like where you're from?
What was your favorite book as a child?
What's the scariest dream you've ever had?
Queen Anne's Lace:
Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?
What's your favourite kind of candy?
Would you rather be cold or hot?
Do you listen to what's on the radio?
Do you like when it rains?
What's a movie you cried while watching?
Do you think you're important?